Read the room: Stef De Haan on crowds, community, and club culture

WE SIT DOWN WITH AMSTERDAM-BASED DJ AND PRODUCER STEF DE HAAN TO TALK ABOUT BUILDING A SOUND, STARTING A PARTY FROM SCRATCH, AND CREATING SPACES WHERE PEOPLE CAN FEEL FREE. FROM LOCKING HIMSELF IN A BUNGALOW DURING COVID TO LEARN TO DJ, TO THROWING ILLEGAL RAVES THAT EVOLVED INTO THE COMMUNITY-DRIVEN PARTY DE REÜNIE, HIS PATH INTO THE SCENE HAS BEEN LESS ABOUT STRATEGY AND MORE ABOUT INSTINCT.

IN THIS CONVERSATION, HE TALKS ABOUT ENERGY ON THE DANCEFLOOR, THE IMPORTANCE OF SAFER SPACES, HIS COLLABORATIVE PROJECT CYBERSEX, AND WHY SOMETIMES THE BEST WAY FORWARD IS JUST TO LOCK THE FUCK IN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

De Haan

ANOMIE: Hi Stef! We’d love to chat to you about your solo work, your party collective, and about your DJ duo Cybersex. It's a super interesting set of projects you've got going. 

STEF: For sure.

ANOMIE: Let’s start with your solo DJ and producing work. How did you realise this was something you wanted to get into, and how did you start?

STEF: With producing, I started when I was 16 making trap music, like trap beats and shit, and that naturally progressed into me working together with a lot of rappers in Amsterdam. I did that for basically the first eight years of my career. There was a big learning curve there, working with different people and different energies. At one point I was kind of fed up with that whole world, and that's when I met Nick, who I do Cybersex with, and who I started de reünie with. He was already pretty deep into the queer techno scene, and we basically just went partying every weekend. We went to De School, Club Raum, Eerste Communie, and other parties like that around the city, and we realised we had a very similar idea when it came to music.

I started DJing around then as well, right before COVID. When COVID hit, obviously we couldn't go to school physically, so me and Nick rented a bungalow in a vacation park, which was still possible then. We brought some new equipment and we just locked the fuck in there for two weeks. We learned how to DJ, drank wine, did schoolwork, and basically just did that for two weeks in a row non-stop. It just spiralled from there.

ANOMIE: Love that. How did you start getting booked for gigs?

STEF: This was an interesting time to start making your own music because, obviously, there was no space to party. During the summer when COVID had just hit, me and Nick were in Berlin. We were going to a lot of raves because that was basically the only thing happening at the time, and it really got us very inspired to do the same shit, but in a way where we could still create a safer environment for people. This was really important for us and the community around us. We essentially wanted to throw a rave, but also create a safer environment.

That idea kind of came to life when we came back to Amsterdam and organised our first rave in an abandoned factory close to the city. That's where de reünie truly started. We created our own space where we booked ourselves with other artists, and when the lockdown was over, clubs came to us like “hey we really like your concept, we heard of it through the grapevine, do you want to do parties in our club?”. We just made it happen. In my opinion it was a complete blessing, doing it on our own. I can really understand why it is so difficult for DJs to get into this atmosphere, because where do you even start? I would suggest for people to start on the internet and release consistent sets to get your sound out there. That's what I probably would have done if there was no COVID. We were not really thinking about it that much, it's only when you reflect back, you see, damn, it’s actually crazy that it went like that. It happened so naturally.

ANOMIE: Your sets move pretty quickly. How do you know what a crowd needs? Do you always stick to a specific set or do you read the room and see what energy is being given back by the crowd? 

STEF: That's an interesting question, because I never stick to one specific formula. I've seen that when you do one thing over and over again, it just stops working for yourself and also for other people. Every crowd is different. You kind of have to find a middle way of pleasing yourself and sticking to your own identity and sound, but also understanding the broader picture of people in the crowd. You know what I mean?

For example, within house music, there are all these branches of different sub-genres. You have Chicago house, Detroit house, UK house, Latin house, Spanish house, things like that. And that’s just house. It's very interesting as a DJ to explore all these different routes of music, understand them, and understand what makes it a sub-genre. Whether it;s the way they programme the drums, the way they do the bassline, the way they use certain sounds, blah, blah, blah. If you understand that, then you can play around with different vibes.

For example, I come into a set and give the crowd three or four different vibes until I feel like they are catching on to one. I then go in that direction a little bit, for maybe half an hour, then boom, switch it up. Then you’ve got them. It's beautiful, I think playing around with energy is what I really love.

ANOMIE: When you look at your older projects, like Palace Gardens, do you feel like your sound has changed or evolved a lot since? 

STEF: Definitely. I would say in that period, for example, with Palace Gardens, I was really rushed. I was rushing things, I was just so hungry for it. I don't want to bash myself, honestly. I think at the point where I was, I did a good job, and I'm proud of it. 

Palace Gardens came out when I already had around 11 years of producing experience, so technically speaking, there aren't major, major changes. I still use the same digital audio workstation, but I feel like a lot of subtle mixing strategies are different, mostly based on the fact that I've gained more experience. I'm learning how to play the piano and acquiring more music theory knowledge. Playing sets in the club more has also made all the difference. It’s like a constant snowball effect of little steps, just gaining more and more knowledge.

I think it is very sketchy to revisit a project. You might want to add or subtract elements, but you can end up ruining the whole essence of the vibe you have. I can say that from experience, because I've done it many times. I can be Mr. Perfect thinking "it can be better, it can be better". What even is “better” with music? I listen to the most obscure type of music… baile funk is a good example, right? If you listen to the drums, melodies, and vocal mixing of baile funk, it's so fucking nonchalant. There's not a lot of like "oh, this has to be so perfect". Maybe even the opposite, it doesn't have to be perfect at all. 

ANOMIE: What's “good” is so subjective, and music itself is so subjective. With that, what does authenticity look like to you, day to day, in your music?

STEF: Day to day, I would say, learning what you want to stand for and not letting anybody fuck with that is so important. Try as much as possible to get what you want, without doing it off the back of other people. Doing it in your own way, you know? Be respectful but driven.

And then when it comes to music, I would say don't look at what's popping, or shit that makes a lot of money. For example don't think "oh, I'm going to get this job only because I know it pays well". In my view, that's just a recipe for disaster. That's just a recipe for you feeling empty at the end of the day. I know maybe it's not for everybody, but I would say it's more valuable to do something that might not make you hella rich, but at least you're actually passionate about it, you know?

ANOMIE: How did de reünie come about? Did you feel like it was a reaction to something missing in the Amsterdam scene?

STEF: Yeah, definitely 100%. We felt this strong necessity from other people, and also from ourselves, to reunite people in a very difficult time during COVID, where there are a lot of rules and regulations. I do want to make it very clear that we respected the rules and the elderly people, but we also saw the other side of the coin. We saw friends of ours and other younger people going into complete isolation mode and getting really fucking depressed. When we did parties, we had a temperature gun for everybody entering the rave, we communicated after the rave, we quarantined, you know? We wanted to do it in a responsible way. The whole idea of it was to reunite people and we wanted people who share the same norms and values. 

A lot of people think we are a queer party, and I don't have anything against people thinking that, but I want to say that we emphasize from the beginning that we arrange parties for any like-minded people, it has nothing to do with sexuality. You can be straight, you can be gay, you can be anything. What matters is, can you respect the other people in the room? Are you able to have a conversation with somebody that's completely out of your realm, maybe? Are you open to that idea? That's the people that we are directing it to. We enforce that idea with an awareness team and take certain measures. If a rotten apple gets inside, we kick them out as soon as possible.

ANOMIE: Was it harder to curate the right crowd of respectable and like-minded people as de reünie got bigger?

STEF: Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's always difficult if you want to scale, you know? Having a door policy, not a super strict one, but one that's not focused on, like, "oh, do you look techno enough?". I don't think thats a logical factor of knowing whether somebody is going to fuck some shit up inside. I've seen the most normal white collar guy you’ve ever seen being the most respectful person, like, very vibey with the whole crowd. So don't judge a book by it’s cover.

ANOMIE: You guys prioritise a safe environment, family, and community. What does that safer environment mean to you?

STEF: If you're at a party, and I'm especially talking about queer people and women, because for men, fortunately for them, they can feel safe in a lot of spaces. There's not a lot of situations where somebody's going to fuck with them randomly, you know? For women, that's obviously different and we understand that. And same thing for queer people, trans people, you know, people of colour. So, I think it's so important to feel safe at a party because if you cannot even feel safe at a party, how would you ever be able to express yourself freely? How would you ever feel comfortable enough to dance how you want, to have a conversation with somebody you want, to flirt with somebody or whatever. If you're not even feeling safe, you're just so barred. You're in survival mode, literally. And that's why I think it's the top, number one priority that people feel safe.

ANOMIE: How do you choose your residents?

STEF: The majority of them are just our friends from the start. Like Jack (Bambam), Tekna, and Technoslave were basically the ones that de reünie started with, we wanted to support them always. CRYME is a lovely guy from Berlin. Him and his boyfriend Glenn are very good friends of ours. We had CRYME on a couple of lineups and at one point Nick and I were in Belgium in a hotel room and we called him up. We were like, fuck it, let's just try it, man. So we called and said "we love your sound, we love you as a person, be our resident?". 

It's important for us that de reünie is also like a friend group, right? We travel a lot with them, we want to like the people and want everybody to click. It’s the same for Melis (Köke), you know. That's our latest resident. She has a very unique sound, a very unique personality, which is also not unimportant. As a DJ, it's also about personality. Who you are behind the booth, how you talk, and how you think is important.

ANOMIE: Has running de reünie changed the way you view crowds or think about events?

STEF: It has 100% changed the way we view events. You understand the whole behind the scenes world, you understand what it’s like to lose a lot of money as well, how fucked up that can be. We live in a capitalistic society and you have to make some money. 

It's also helped us understand that it is very important to innovate. Now we're doing live performances of people within the community, we give people that space to do performance art at our events. We have a separate area in the club where we do performance art, dancing, stuff like that. We try to find ways we can create opportunities for people. I think just understanding that one formula will not work for a long time is imporant, so you have to constantly switch it up.

ANOMIE: What's your most memorable or special moment that you can think about from one of your events? 

STEF: This sounds corny, but they're all special. So... Yeah, I would say the illegal raves. The first raves were special...

ANOMIE: I have FOMO now.

STEF: Yeah, I understand. Honestly, you should have. You should have FOMO for that. That shit was crazy. 

ANOMIE: Do you see de reünie as a party, a platform, or a long-term cultural project? How do you view it?

STEF: Yes, I love that. I would definitely love it if it was a long-term project. It's also a little bit up to the universe, in my opinion. It's up to us to some degree. Maybe people will be done with it, maybe it's not the vibe anymore in the future. The only thing I can say is we will continue to put as much effort as possible into it. It's our little baby and we want to continue nourishing it.

Maybe we should start going over borders a little bit. We want to do this for people that see value in it, I think there's always going to be an audience for a safe, inclusive party environment. People always want to party, whether that's in Berlin, Spain, or the UK. It's just basically finding out the path, finding out who to work with, and finding out how to work with them.

ANOMIE: Maybe a little bit about Cybersex. How does playing together differ from playing solo?

STEF: Obviously I love house, I make a lot of house music myself. With my solo thing, I can go wherever, I can go different genres. But when it really comes to playing with Cybersex, house is our main thing. We stay at around 140 and 148 BPM. I would also say it’s more technical. When I play solo, I want to let the tracks breathe. With Cybersex it’s more mixing with like three or four decks, and we play around more with certain elements.

ANOMIE: Are there more risks you're willing to take as a duo or solo? 

STEF: I would say I love taking risks in general, but... There are certain risks I take solo that I wouldn't take with Cybersex because there's somebody else next to me, so you take the risk for two people. Not only for yourself. 

ANOMIE: How do you resolve if you ever have any creative disagreements? If you can't align on something, how do you deal with that? 

STEF: You know what the beautiful thing with Nick is? When it comes to business and being friends, we're the perfect match. I can be very strongly opinionated, and so is he. I can also not be mad at him, it's just impossible for me because of the love that I have for him. I really view him as my brother. I don't have a brother, but I think that when you do, you just want the best for the both of you. If we argue we are like "Fuck, we have to fix this now. And also like... Sorry for that, I should have done that in a different way". I don't want to be a bitch to him. We will always have each other's back at the end of the day. No matter what.

ANOMIE: That's sweet. How did you guys meet?

STEF: Through fashion school. I was in the same class as him. And from the first day, we were doing projects together, partying together, studying together, everything.

ANOMIE: You have a de reünie event at Multipla (an event space in Amsterdam) on the 27th of February where you will play a set as Cybersex. What sort of energy do you want to bring to the show? What are you expecting from the event and what can people look forward to?

STEF: I’ll see you there. I would say it will be more intimate, more like a community event, and less commercial. I think de reünie is never commercial but obviously the capacity is smaller. 400-ish people. So it is more like an intimate setting.

ANOMIE: You've got some cool gigs coming up. What are you most excited for?

STEF: I'm excited for my next one, which is in Berlin. It's Teletech. It's a big show, but they always fix it in the right way, it's always a nice crowd. I'm excited for that. I'm just excited in general... Excited for all the shit that's gonna come. I just had a month of vacation, it was so needed. Now I feel recharged and I know what I want music-wise. I know my boundaries. I'm just excited to see what's going to happen.

ANOMIE: After playing spaces like Radion or Teletech... What kind of room excites you the most?

STEF: I don't know. I can't speak on that. They're all exciting in different ways. You know for example, when you eat like... a very good Italian pasta. Then the next day, you eat like the most crazy falafel and hummus, with whatever. Then the day after, you get like... a crazy-ass salad bowl. All so different but so good.

ANOMIE: A good week, all that food

STEF: For sure. I mean, I think that's the same way I see music. You cannot compare them. They're different, but they're all good. All so good.

ANOMIE: How do you find the Amsterdam versus the Berlin club scene at the moment? 

STEF: Yeah, should I be honest? I think lately... the Amsterdam party scene... I'm not the biggest fan. When I'm with my friends, it's enjoyable, but I'd rather do other things with my friends now. Maybe because I got older, I don't know. But I think the energy in the Berlin party scene is sexier and people are more spontaneous. I had very spontaneous moments when I was partying in Berlin. 

ANOMIE: What's your favourite club?

STEF: In Berlin? My thing is kind of like... I just stay where I play. It's easy as I'm already inside. I like OXI, I like RSO, and I think OHM is pretty cool. Oh, actually... Phantom Bar. That might be my number one. Phantombar is fire. A lot of cool DJ people go there as well, it’s like a bar with a good sound system. 

ANOMIE: What do you hope that people feel when they're walking out of your sets? When you're done.

STEF: Complete misery. Like fuck, why did I do this? I’ve completely fucked up my life with this. Imagine. I don't know... I guess joy? That's better, I think. Joy, but also like... I was not expecting that, actually. I love to get good feedback from people as an artist. I like when people say they’ve never really heard that type of rhythm before, I fuck with that.

ANOMIE: If you could fast-forward five years, what would success look like to you? Not necessarily numbers-related… 

STEF: I think success is like... On a personal level, I would say success is when you reach a point where you completely detach. And I feel like I'm getting there, honestly. Being completely detached from any type of expectation when it comes to behaviour in, for example, social settings. To elaborate, I think you should be able to really make up your own mind about what you think is good for you. So, not feeling that you have to act a certain way when you walk into a social setting. There's freedom in that. I think that is success for me. 

Also, making sure that I spend time with my family, because my dad and my mom are still alive, and my sister just had a baby. I want to make them as happy as possible. 

Also respecting your own... I sound like a yoga girl, but respecting your own body on a deep level. Respecting the fact that you're just a human being that has certain needs and try to meet these needs and don't ignore them. For me, I feel like that's the only real strategy to create. 

For my music, success looks like doing out-of-the-box crazy shit. I want to continue creating value for people with all the new technologies that come. Not letting AI win, for example.

ANOMIE: When you talk about respecting your body and your needs, did that come from stepping back from partying, or just partying in a different way?

STEF: Yeah, so now I've just stepped back from it for a little bit. I'm just questioning myself, how realistic is it to stay up till 6 o'clock, 8 o'clock, sober? I know it's possible, but... yeah, it's different. 

With de reünie this summer, we want to focus on more day parties. You can wake up fresh, it's 1 o'clock in the afternoon and the club is open. Then you can have from 1pm until night to just socialise and use all your natural energy. The sun is there. You're with your friends. You don't even need all that shit.

ANOMIE: Lastly, it's the start of 2026, what do you want this year to look like for you?

STEF: Exciting. In general, it looks like stepping out of my comfort zone. Not doing the things in the default mode, but doing things… 

ANOMIE: Intentionally?

STEF: Yeah, intentionally, exactly. Not being scared of working together with a grime rapper, maybe, and reaching out to people to work with like "I fuck with your sound, and I want to collaborate". Or more, you know, "I want to hang out with you, let's do something fun together, let's go to a museum". Just doing things that are outside of the box might be a little bit scary for me, but you can learn so much from that shit.

Putting yourself out there. Feeling a little bit uncomfortable, feeling a little bit awkward, that's really where the win is. There's this one saying, I don't know... I want to quote him, but I don't know who it is, but the obstacle is the way. It is true, though. If I view something as an obstacle, and then overcome it, that feeling is crazy. It's so different from staying at home and watching some Netflix series. Although that's chill too...

CHECK OUT STEF: @___st3f___ , @de.reunie , @cybersex.official